


A Cold Heart Turns

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:22:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7162145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Erin takes a very drastic step to end the pain she's in, will Dave be able to save her from the ghosts and demons that haunt her before it's too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"What the hell, Hotch? Why would you do this?" Dave bit out as he stormed into Aaron's office early the morning following their case in Florida. It had been rough enough with Erin there, given everything she was going through at the moment and now this. "She's vulnerable right now and you send her to the Gitmo of rehabs?"

Aaron looked up at him from the file he was working on. "Shut the door, David, and sit down." There was real ire in his voice and Dave felt his eyes narrow as he followed orders. "She went to a posh rehab over the summer. Obviously it did nothing for her, as she fell even harder this time. She was drinking on this case, Dave."

"And her daughter may by dying. Allie is looking for a bone marrow donor, as the chemo and radiation is no longer working like her doctors had hoped it would. Erin's not a match for her. I think I would drink, too, if I were her. Imagine yourself in her shoes. What if it were Jack?"

"I wouldn't drink on the job, and neither would you. We're stronger than that."

Dave shook his head, feeling vast disappointment in his friend. "It's not about strength, Hotch. It's about the fact she has no one to turn to here. Everyone, including me, expects too much of her, and she needed an outlet to feel normal." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "You are so hard on her."

"Has she ever been kind to me, to us?" was his short reply. Aaron stared into Dave's eyes, the flinty look causing him to blanch. "She has never done one nice thing for my team."

Dave felt his heart harden towards Hotch in that moment and decided to come at him with all guns blazing. "What about Haley?" It was Aaron's turn to blanch, and he looked away from Dave to stare at a picture on his desk. "That's right, what did she tell you at the end of the inquest?"

Aaron was silent for a few moments and Dave just sat there, staring at him. "That if we ever needed anything, to just ask her."

"And was she being sincere and honest?"

"Yes."

"And during the Senate subcommittee trial, who do you think twisted arms to make sure we were kept whole, that none of us were shipped off to other units, other departments?" He wouldn't look at Dave, as if knowing he were right. "You know, it is a bit hypocritical of you to do this, too."

"Excuse me?" The anger was back in his voice and Dave knew he'd hit a sore spot. "How am I being hypocritical by sending her to get the help she so obviously needs?"

"Dr. Spencer Reid." Dave drew in a deep breath, hating to involve the kid in this. "How often was he high out on the field? How many times did you let him question suspects when he could slip into a hallucination at any time?"

"I hardly think…"

"That that's relevant? Of course it is, Hotch. Allie could die while her mother is locked away for two months. I won't deny that Erin needs help for her drinking problem, but I will never agree to how you've let this go down."

Aaron shook his head. "How has she managed to beguile you so? You used to be on our side."

"There are no sides when it comes to an ill child." Dave looked down at his clenched hands, feeling tears sting his eyes at the thought of his son, born too soon, fated to live a too brief life. "If Alexandra should die before Erin gets out, her grief and sorrow will be on your head. I dearly hope that you can live with that on your heart. I'm sure the ghost of Haley would welcome the company."

It was a low blow and Dave knew it hit the mark by the way Hotch winced. Shaking his head, he stood and stalked from the office, slamming the door behind him. A couple of people looked up at him and Dave quickly made his way to his own office, locking the door behind him. Sinking into his chair, he ran his hand along his goatee. He should never had pressed Morgan this morning when he'd called to say he wasn't coming in. And yet…

A few minutes later, he heard a sharp knocking at his door. "Dave?" came Emily's low voice as she tried to open the door.

"One second." He stood and went to the door, letting her in. "Yes, Emily?"

"What's up?" She took a seat in a chair in front of his desk, waiting expectantly.

Shaking his head, he sat down next to her. "I went off on Hotch for a decision he made last night. It was the wrong one and he can't see that yet."

"Does it have anything to do with Morgan's errand for him? We were going to hang out and then that came up."

He nodded, unwilling to rat Erin out. Rehab was so deeply personal, and she didn't need her dirty laundry aired to all and sundry. "I saw Morgan go out on the errand and pressed him for details. He was all too willing to spill to me." It was a lie, but the only thing he could give her at the moment. Dave stared into her eyes and sighed. "It struck a nerve with me."

"So you took it out on Hotch. That probably wasn't the smartest."

"No one ever said I was quick on the uptake. I can only pray that nothing bad happens in the next sixty days as a result of this decision. She does not deserve to be put through that Hell as well."

"A new girlfriend, Old Man? I thought, what with Carolyn, you'd give it some time."

He smiled a little at her assumption as he shook his head. "No, this person is not linked to me romantically. I respect them a great deal, and wish them nothing but the best. But how are things between you and Morgan? I've noticed things aren't quite as strained between you lately."

"We're friends, for now. He still hasn't been able to trust me fully. Not that I blame them." She stood and smiled gently. "I hope everything else works out for you and your friend."

"I do, too, bella. I do, too." He heard the door open and close, and then he sighed. This was a fine kettle of fish he'd gotten himself into, and yet, he thought, Allie, and by extension, Erin, was worth the concern. He just hope he didn't lose his friendship with Hotch as a result of his actions that day.


	2. Chapter 2

"March Madness doesn't begin to cover that last case. I am looking forward to landing and heading out to the nearest bar. Who all is with me?" Morgan asked as they began their descent into Quantico.

"Sounds good to me. How about you, Jayje?" Emily replied, looking over at the other woman.

"No, I'm heading home and snuggling with my guys. Maybe another time," she said, her eyes and thoughts miles away.

"Same goes for me. Jack's been missing me a lot lately." Dave tried to conceal his snort of derision, knowing the man was really missing Beth. Hotch glared at him and he shrugged going back to the magazine he was reading.

"And what about you, Old Man? Feel up to a night on the town?" He looked back up at Morgan and shook his head.

"Sorry, a night of carousing hold appeal at the moment." Morgan frowned a little, and Dave watched Emily touch his shoulder, shaking her head slightly. They'd spent a night talking about the case and why it had bothered him so, and she knew why this was not a good night for him. The victims had reminded him so of Carolyn and Erin.

Erin. She weighed heavily on his mind, even after Allie had gotten her clean bill of health. An innate air of sorrow lingered about Erin since her return to the Bureau three weeks ago, and though he had tried so hard to be kind, to show his support, she'd barely acknowledged his existence. Or anyone's for that matter. Whatever had happened to her in rehab, it had destroyed some spark in her that Dave found himself missing.

The plane landed with no troubles, and he rode with JJ and Hotch back to the Academy. No one was in the mood for talking, which suited Dave just fine. He stared out the window, not really seeing anything as he thought of Carolyn. He hoped she was in Heaven, watching over their son until he was able to join them. "Have a good night JJ, Dave," Hotch said as he carried his go bag and briefcase over to his car.

As they waited over to the elevator, Dave could feel JJ's eyes on him. "What is it you want to ask, JJ?"

"How do you know I want to ask you something, Dave?" she countered as she pressed the up button.

He waited until the elevator came and they were unlikely to be overheard. "I'm a profiler, Jen, this is what I do for a living. It's how I knew Prentiss hadn't truly left us. So, what questions do you have for me?"

JJ leaned against the back of the elevator, smiling a tiny, worried, smile. "Morgan's been acting weird around Hotch ever since we got back from Camp Creepy. Not that I blame him, what with Aaron sticking us with Strauss without warning. I was surprised that she wasn't such a bitch on that case."

"She's going through some things right now." JJ raised an eyebrow at him. "She was a friend, once. I still care for her."

"So, what did Hotch do to her that pissed you off?"

He wondered what had given him away as he shrugged. "It's nothing I can say to anyone. All I can tell you is that what happened to her never should have. And it's something Hotch will have to live with."

"Ah." JJ's phone beeped and she pulled it out, looking at the screen. "Oh my god."

She looked horrified, he noticed, taking in the pale skin of her face, her widened eyes, and flared nostrils. "What is it, Jen?"

"There was another helicopter accident in California. Five confirmed dead, though they're not releasing the names of the victims yet," she said as she skimmed the article. "It appears that it was a family, though. At least they died together, right?" A few tears rolled down her cheeks and she swiped them away.

"I hope it was quick," he murmured as he crossed himself, sending up a quick prayer for their souls.

"So do I." The doors opened and they stepped out of the elevator. He walked JJ to her office and then went back to his own. Looking down the hall, he saw Erin's light still on and wondered what she was doing here at almost eleven. Though he knew late nights were the norm for her, she was never here this late.

"Hey, Rossi, how'd the case end?" He looked over to see his Kitten standing in the doorway of the bullpen, smiling softly.

"We got the bad guys, so that's a plus," Dave said as he ambled up to her, a part of his mind still on Erin. "But why aren't you out with Morgan, Emily, and Reid?"

She shrugged, hooking an arm around his waist and leading him into the bullpen. "I have this awful case I'm working on for Sam's team. I could really use another pair of eyes, if you're busy or tired."

Taking one last look in Erin's direction, he nodded and let her pull him up the stairs to her office. "So, what do you need me to take a look at, Kitten?"

She sat down in front of her computers and turned to face him. "Sit. We have something to discuss first." He was surprised by how firm her voice was and found himself sinking into an open chair. "I hate it when there's tension in my family. Reid was easy to read, as usual, but it took me some time to realize there was something up between Hotch, Morgan, and you. Spill."

He stared at her, watching her brown eyes soften and then fill with tears. "Oh, Garcia, you know what tears do to me."

"I know. Sorry." She wiped her eyes clear, but moments later, more tears were rolling down her face. "It's just, Kevin and I have been going through this rough patch lately – he thinks I slept with Morgan and that's why I turned down his proposal, and now this looming over our team. I hate secrets, I hate lies, and that's all I'm feeling from you lot lately. What is going on?"

Dave rolled his chair over to Penelope's side, reaching out to her. She leaned forward, resting her head on his chest. "Hotch has never been good at trusting any of us. In some way, we've all failed him, even himself, and each time it happens, he holds his cards a little closer to the vest. Despite his seeing Beth, he's becoming more cut off from his emotions."

"I don't understand how these things work, Dave. I just want to believe in the good of everyone and then all this junk comes up." He felt the tears wet his shirt front, and he rubbed her back lightly, trying to comfort her.

"Keep believing in the good, Kitten. In all of us, even Strauss. She needs a believer right about now."

Penelope stiffened in his arms, pulling back to look at him, her brow furrowed. "What does Strauss have to do with all this?"

"She lies at the heart of this whole fiasco. And you know what? I'm sick of the lies and the secrets, too. But this is her secret to tell, and I cannot be the one to betray her, not when Hotch has already done so. You ask Derek about his errand he had to run for Hotch after getting back from Camp Creepy. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to tell you what it was."

She surprised him once more that night, reaching forward to hug him tightly. "I'm sorry for whatever he did that hurt you, that made you this bitter." Penelope kissed his cheek lightly and then turned to her monitors. "Now, about this case I'm working on. Prophet said this case is even giving him the creeps. Sam wouldn't let me look at the crime scene photos, so I need to know something, anything, that will give me some direction here."

Dave took a deep breath and nodded. "Let me see them." She called up a folder on her computer and then turned to look at him.

"They're in there." He slid forward and clicked through the gruesome pictures, seeing in a heartbeat why Sam had kept her from those photos. "Well?"

"They're looking for a woman in her mid to late fifties, married, though the marriage is strained. One second and I'll get rid of these." He clicked the red x and the pictures disappeared from her screen.

"Thank you, Dave." She hugged him once more as they stood and made their way back out into the bullpen. As he leaned against the railing, looking out over the empty desks, he saw Erin go past, her face white and scrunched up as if she were in pain. Absently, she wiped at her cheeks and he realized she was crying. He'd never seen her cry. In tears, yes, but they had never fallen. "Dave, what's wrong with her?"

He couldn't take his eyes off her as she moved past. "I don't know, Kitten."

"Where do you think she's going? She didn't stop by the elevators." Penelope touched his arm lightly and he finally looked over at her.

"I don't know. The only thing in that direction is the stairwell. She was still wearing her heels, so I doubt she was going to climb down six stories of stairs."

"It would only be four stories of stairs up to the roof," she murmured absently. They both stared at the empty space Erin had just occupied, a pregnant silence falling over the room. He turned to gaze at Penelope, the blood draining from his face. "She's strong, Dave. She wouldn't do that. Would she?"

"I don't know." He hated those words and yet he had used them three times in rapid succession. "But I am going to follow her. If you don't hear from me in ten minutes, come up to the roof." She nodded and he jogged down the stairs, hurrying over to the door of the BAU.

Looking around the hall, he saw it was clear and he turned in the direction she'd been walking. Peeking into the windows where lights were still on, he frantically wished for her to be there. At the door to the stairwell, he found her phone and he picked it up, sticking it in his pocket. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and listened for footsteps. He heard them above him and he took the stairs two at a time to try and catch her.

The slam of the door echoed through the stairwell and he redoubled his efforts to reach her. Opening the door at last, he looked around the rooftop for Erin, finally finding her standing at the edge of the roof, staring at the ground. "Erin, don't!"

She turned her head slowly, watching him approach her. "You can't save me, David. No one can. Please, just let me go."

Her voice was so heartbroken and he felt himself reach out to her. She arched away from his hand, weaving slightly, and he gasped, closing the small gap between them and pulling her into his strong embrace. "I cannot let you go, not here, not this way," he whispered in her ear as they came to sit on the roof. It was colder than he'd thought and he shivered a little.

For a moment, he thought she was shivering, too, but then he felt her tears soak through his shirt. "Dave?" Turning slightly, he saw Penelope standing there with a blanket, her eyes sad.

"What is it, Kitten?"

"I couldn't wait the full ten minutes. I took the elevator to the top floor and then came up here. It's so cold out tonight, that I thought you could use a blanket." She knelt down next to them and rested a hand on Erin's shoulder. "Let Rossi take care of you, Ma'am. He's kind of good at that." With those kind words, Erin began to sob and Penelope just looked at him, a devastated frown on her face.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'll just leave the blanket here with you. Oh, Ma'am, I hope we can convince you to stay." Penelope rubbed Erin's back gently and Dave watched as tears ran down her cheeks as well. "Call me, Dave, okay?" He nodded and she got up, leaving them alone.

"Why, why does sh-she care? She-he should hate me, I deserve her hate," Erin managed to sob out, clenching her hands tightly in his shirt as she cried all the harder.

"Penelope loves the wounded, she needs to take care of her lambs. And now, I guess, you've become one of them."

"Oh," she said softly, nestling into him as she sobbed. He rubbed her back in slow circles, knowing that had always calmed Carolyn when she was upset. Instead, the gesture just seemed to make Erin cry all the harder. He picked up the blanket and wrapped it around them. Erin nuzzled into the warmth and he heard her sigh deeply.

"Erin?"

"Nothing." Her cried lessened and he listened to her breathing even out. His shirt was soaked with her tears, which chilled him even more, but he made no move to wake her up or adjust how they were sitting. More time passed and he felt the tight grip on his shirt relax and he reached for the phone clipped on his belt, dialing Penelope as soon as it was in his hand.

"Yes, Dave?" she asked, picking up on the second ring.

"How do things look from here to the parking garage?"

"Just give me one second, Sir." He heard her tap away on her keyboard and smiled at the comforting sound. "Okay, take the stairwell down to the tenth floor and then ride the elevator down to the parking garage. Call me again when you're about to get on the elevator so I can make sure no one else gets on with you two."

"You can do that?"

"There's not much a tech genius like me can't do. I thought you knew that by now." She giggled a little, though it sounded strained even to his ears. "And don't worry, I'll make certain to purge the video feeds so no one else sees what happened tonight. She deserves that at the very least."

"Do you have any idea how much I respect you for this, Kitten? Thank you for treating her so kindly."

"Well, the only times I've seen people cry like that is when their whole world has come crashing down around them. Where are you going to take her, Dave?"

"To my place. It's closer than her home, and she needs to rest in a bed. I don't know if we'll be in tomorrow. Cover us with the Director, too?"

"Consider it done. You needed to take a personal day today." He smiled at her tone and knew she'd defend him to Aaron if need be. "All right, you should get going before both of you face hypothermia."

"Okay. I'll give you the signal in just a few minutes." He hooked his cell phone back on his belt and then adjusted Erin's weight in his arms, taking care not to wake her. For the first time, he noticed how much weight she'd lost in recent months, as he could feel her hip bones more distinctly through her skirt. His hand accidentally brushed against her breast and she snuggled into the touch.

"Alan," she murmured, closing her arms around his neck.

_Damn, I didn't even think of her family. We'll just call then when we wake up,_ he thought as he made his way over to the door. Penelope had left the door propped open with a brick, probably left up there by their colleagues who still smoked. Kicking it out of the way, he slipped into the stairwell and carefully carried her down to the elevator.

Resting one hip against the wall, he managed to grab his phone and call Penelope back. "We're at the elevators now."

"All right, the one on your left is on the seventh floor, I'm sending it up to you now. Keep her safe, Dave."

"You've made her one of your lambs, haven't you?" he asked, watching for the elevator to come.

"I'm that obvious, huh? Do you think she'll mind? Oh, Dave, everyone needs a friendly face when they're going through Hell."

"Where were you in December?" he muttered, looking down at Erin's sleeping face. There was no peace there and his heart ached to look at her. "I think she'll get used to you, Kitten. Everyone does."

The doors to the elevator opened and he stepped inside. "You should know that. Only took a few months for you to like me." He pushed the button to close the doors. "Don't leave her alone tonight. I know she's going to need someone's shoulder to cry on." Dave could hear the tears in her voice and knew she was thinking of her parents. "Hold her close."

"For you, I'd do anything. After all, you're the All Knowing Oracle." He heard the watery laugh and knew he'd cheered her up. "I'll call you if we need anything."

"All right, sleep well." She hung up and he put his phone back in his belt. The ride down seemed to take forever, but still Erin slept on, never stirring.

The parking garage was mostly deserted and he quickly made his way over to his Cadillac. Opening the passenger door, he got Erin in, buckling the belt around her sleeping body. The radio was playing a Rachmaninoff piano piece when he started the car, and he turned it down so it barely filled the interior of the vehicle.

Dave used the ride home to think about what he would say to her when she woke. He knew she wouldn't be too happy with him and he decided to call Alan to give him a head's up. The other man's cellphone went right to voicemail and Dave shook his head, deciding to call later, at a more agreeable time. He pulled into his garage, turned the car off, and stared at Erin. "What am I going to do with you, Topalina?" he whispered as he got out.

He opened his interior door first, knowing he'd never get it open with her in his arms. Going back to the car, he carefully got her up in his arms and carried her inside. The walk upstairs took a long time, but he didn't want to disturb her. Mudgie was curled up on the bed and he shooed him off before sitting heavily.

Dave tried to get her to let go of him, but she just held on all the tighter. "Toplina, you can't sleep in your shoes," he whispered, kicking off his own loafers. She moaned lightly and turned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Oh, Alan," she murmured, beginning to cry once more. Her grip momentarily relaxed, allowing him to stand and pull her heels off, setting them next to his own shoes. Turning back to the bed, he watched her curl up in a ball on the bed.

"How am I going to get that jacket off you when you're curled up tight?" he mused as he shrugged out of his own suit coat. He hung it up in his closet and turned around to see her on her back, an arm thrown over her head. "That's better."

Going over to the bed once more, he sat and quickly unbuttoned the jacket. It took some finagling, but he finally got it off her. Reclining, he draped it over the chest at the end of the bed. Sitting up, he pulled the covers down and crawled off, hoping to get Erin over onto that side so he could cover her with the blankets.

It was not to be, though, for as soon as he touched her, she was wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of her. "It was all just a mistake, Alan. You've come back to me," she sighed before kissing him passionately.

The kiss was more than anything he'd ever expected from her. She tasted incredibly sweet and he had to remind himself that she thought he was her husband, not a man she worked with who loved to antagonize her. Pulling away, he heard her whimper lowly. "Oh, Topalina, don't tempt me so."

"Alan…" she said lowly before beginning to sob in her sleep. He rubbed her back and the cries lessened once more. Dave went to stand up, but this time she refused to let go of him. Sighing, he crawled under the covers and pulled them over their bodies.

Erin plastered her body against his, her arms and legs tightening around him like iron. Shaking his head, he tried to ignore the feel of her heavy breasts pressing against his chest, to let his body relax and give in to the sleep he so desperately needed. "Erin, what's happened to you?" he asked as his eyes closed heavily.


	4. Chapter 4

He woke up half an hour later to the feel of her beating on his chest with the heels of her hands. "Why, Alan?" She cried out and he opened his eyes to look at her. With one glance, he could tell she was stuck inside a vicious nightmare. Without thinking, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry, Topalina." He rubbed her back until she got past the nightmare. She splayed her hand out on his chest and they were soon breathing in tandem once more. Within minutes, he was sleeping again, his hand cupping her head gently.

Forty five minutes later, a sharp scream startled him awake. "Allie, no! Don't get on!"

He wondered what nightmare she was trapped in this time. He knew it involved her daughter, but what didn't she want her to do? "Erin, everything is all right. You're safe," he whispered. Sighing, he got up and used the bathroom. When he returned to the bedroom, Erin was once more curled in a tight ball. Dave climbed into bed and spooned his body around hers.

Erin snuggled back into him. "Alan…" She turned and fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, her breathing thready. "Tell me you're all right, that they were wrong. Please."

The pleading in her voice broke his hear once more and he rubbed her back gently. "Oh, Topalina, I can't promise you something I don't know."

She didn't seem to hear him, though, as she murmured, "Why would you let them on there? I told you I hate them…" She drifted back into an uneasy sleep and he followed her soon after, wondering what was going on.

When he woke up next, she was stroking him through the silk of his boxers. Somehow, she'd gotten his pants unzipped and he bit back a groan as he fingers did delicious things to his body. Carefully, he removed her hand and then crawled out of bed. Going back into the bathroom, he pulled down his pants and finished the job she'd started.

Dave had to bite back another groan as he came, trying not to think of the way her hand had felt on his dick. Shaking his head, he cleaned up the sticky mess he'd made of himself and stepped out of his pants and boxers. Throwing them in the hamper, he went out and grabbed a pair of silk pajama pants and pulled them on before going back to bed. Hopefully, that would keep her dream hands out of his pants.

Erin was curled up in her ball on his side of the bed when he returned to her. Sighing, he pulled back the covers and crawled in on the other side. It took only a moment for her to find him once more and he breathed in her scent as she wormed her way back into his arms. He fell asleep once more, wondering what spell she was weaving around him.

The next time he woke up, he knew it was late morning and that she was finally coming to wakefulness. Erin was still in his arms and so he felt her tense up as she woke. "Alan?" she asked softly, her hand reaching up to cup his face before her eyes opened. He knew his facial hair would give him away, and sure enough, her eyes flew open to stare into his. "David?"

"Yes, Erin?" he asked as she pulled away from him to look down at her clothes. Confusion flashed over her face as she took in her wrinkled blouse and skirt. Her eyes met his again and he saw a flash of anger there before she reached up and smacked him across the face.

"Am I in your bed, then?" He nodded. "Did you get me drunk?" He shook his head. "Then why am I here?"

It was his turn to be confused, wondering if she had forgotten the previous evening and her attempted suicide. "Don't you remember the roof? How I pulled you back from the edge, kept you from making a horrible, awful, decision?"

Her face crumpled a little. "Then I was sober yesterday? It wasn't a drunken hallucination?"

"I don't know, Erin. You didn't tell me what was going on last night. I will tell you that you scared the hell out of Penelope. She was the one who sent me after you." She nodded and looked away from him, biting her lip as she began to cry once more. "Do you want me to get you something?"

"Your cellphone, please. I need to confirm something." Wordlessly, he turned to grab it, handing it over to Erin. "Do you even use half of the apps on here, David?"

"No, Penelope put them on there for me."

"Ah." She quickly looked up something and he watched her face fall as the first sob tore from her throat. "They're gone." She sat up and wrapped her arms around her legs, burying her face in her limbs as her sobs shook her frame. "It's true," he heard her whisper as he pulled her close to him, rocking her back and forth as he frantically thought of a way to comfort her.

"Topalina, what's true? Who's gone?"

"Alan, Allie, Patrick, Nikki." He knew those were the names of her family and he felt a hard knot of dread form in his stomach.

"Start at the beginning, Erin. I'm still a little lost."

Erin turned her face to look at him, tears still streaming down her cheeks. She wasn't a pretty crier, but her sorrow made her real to him. "The beginning? God gave me a heart. And it would have been fine had I not gone to Milwaukee."

"That was the first time you were in the field in years," he murmured and she nodded, cuddling closer to him.

"And it did not end well. I stepped on that poor woman's hair and it just shattered something in me. My drinking problem began the night we got home from that case. Yet I couldn't excise her from my mind, no matter how much I drank. With each progressively bad thing that happened in my life, I drank more and more. It quickly spiraled out of control once Allie was diagnosed."

"But she got better," he interrupted, rubbing her back gently.

"Yes, she went into remission right as I began my second month in Hell. Then she decided she wanted to take a vacation to California." The knot in Dave's stomach pulled tighter as he thought back to what JJ had read to him in the elevator last night. "She'd always wanted to go, you see, and what better time than when she was just given a clean bill of health."

He had to say something to give him time to process what she was telling him. "Why didn't you go with them?"

Erin shook her head slowly. "Two months in Hell, David, meant no time off for me. If I had gotten it, I would have been with them, would still be with them, forever." Her sobs took over her body once more and he let her cry until he heard her start to gag.

"The door on the right, Erin." She nodded as she flew off the bed and ran to the bathroom. He could hear the retching and couldn't stand leaving her alone. Getting up, he crossed the room in a few long strides and knelt beside her, smoothing her hair back as she emptied the contents of her stomach. The stench of bile concerned him, and yet it seemed as if she couldn't stop throwing up. "Topalina," he whispered, rubbing her back in slow circles.

"Water?" she finally croaked, leaning back against him as she tried to catch her breath.

Dave nodded, unconsciously kissing the top of her head as he reached over and flushed the toilet. He helped her to stand and then led her back into the bedroom, getting her settled on the bed. He went back to the bathroom and filled a glass with cold water before wetting a washcloth and then going back to her. "Erin?"

She looked up at him and he felt himself drowning in the sorrow evident in her eyes. "Thank you, David." She took the glass from his hands and sipped at it. He touched her shoulder and she turned her face up to him once more. Delicately, he cleaned her face free of the residue of her illness. Her face crumples up once more under his touch and he felt the tears against his fingers. Slowly, Dave sat and she curled up into him once more. "Why?"

"Why what, Topalina?"

"Why would God take them and leave me? Couldn't He have taken me and left them? I'm the fuckup, David. I'm the one who nearly pissed away everything I'd worked so hard for. And then, in the blink of an eye, they're gone." She reached out and clasped his hand tightly. "The only thing that matters in my life is gone."

"What happened?" he pressed, needing finally to hear what happened to devastate her so.

"Allie wanted to take a helicopter ride over San Francisco Bay. She promised to take tons of pictures for me. I didn't want her to take that ride, there had been too many accidents recently. She laughed at my worry, David."

"Why not, Topalina? After all, she'd survived cancer. The young think they're invincible, and she would have been no different."

"And now they're dead, David. The damn helicopter hurtled from the sky like Icarus to be dashed upon the rocks. The ME told me it was a blessing that they died instantly. A blessing."

She shook her head and he rubbed her arm, trying to comfort her. "They always tell you that, thinking it will magically make it hurt less. Babies can't feel pain, he only took a breath. It was a blessing."

"Oh, David," she whispered, turning into him as she began to sob once more. "I'm sorry." He just held onto her tightly, rocking her gently. "I never knew. Carolyn?"

"Yeah. Our marriage never really recovered from that." He kissed her temple and felt his own eyes well up with tears. He understood such a small portion of the grief she was going through and that was shattering his carefully built defenses towards her. "Somehow, you'll get through this. I don't know how long it will take, but you'll make it to the other side, stronger for it."

"I doubt that."

"I did too, at the time." She nuzzled her face into his chest, sighing deeply. "Go back to sleep, Topalina. It heals more than you think." She nodded against him and he held her closer, rubbing her back and arm as he continued to rock them.


	5. Chapter 5

It only took a few minutes to get Erin back to sleep. Yet he still held her, unwilling to let her go just yet. Finally, his arms started to ache and he got her carefully laid out on the bed. Pulling the covers up to her chin, he pressed another kiss to her forehead before finally going to his closet and pulling out clothes for the day. Rummaging through his drawers, he pulled out a favorite sweater and set it on top of the trunk at the foot of the bed, hoping she would take the hint when she woke.

Going into the bathroom, he stripped off the worn clothes and put them in the hamper before stepping into the shower and turning on the water. The warm stream did little to refresh his mind, and he found his focus returning to Erin once again. There was no good way to comfort her, no way to tell her that everything would be okay, in time.

After he'd dried off, he pulled on his clothes and went back into the bedroom. Erin was once more asleep on his side of the bed, his pillow clutched to her chest. Smiling sadly, he went to her side before bending and kissing her forehead. He didn't know exactly why he wanted to comfort her, but something in her called to him.

Picking up his cellphone, he left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. Going downstairs to his study, he pulled out a cigar and lit it. As he sat in his favorite chair, he stared into the dark fireplace absently petting Mudgie. He had to get to the bottom of things, confirm what Erin had told him. Pressing the phone icon, he quickly dialed Penelope's number.

"Hello, my kind Italian Stallion. How is my little lamb this morning?" she asked cheerfully.

"Who?"

"Erin. Did you forget you labeled her as one of mine last night? So, how is she?"

"Sleeping. Heartbroken. And how are things there?"

"Hotch is on the warpath since I told him you were taking the day off. He seems to think you're dumping all the paperwork off on him." He heard her sigh. "Did he cause this? I know Morgan told me not to say anything, but I know how he forced her into rehab. Did he push her into doing this?"

Dave hadn't made that connection, but now, as he thought of the possibility, it angered him. "I suppose, in a way, he did. I need you to confirm something for me first, though. Do you have a pen ready?"

"Yes, and paper."

"Good. I need you to look into the financial transactions of Alan Strauss for the past week. I then need you to cross-reference those records with the helicopter accident yesterday afternoon in California."

"California? What would he be doing…oh god, Dave, no. No. You cannot be implying that it was her family that was annihilated yesterday."

"I am, Kitten. She told me so this morning. I don't want to believe it, either, so I'm asking this of you." He puffed on his cigar, needing some time to compose himself. "I hate to ask this of you, but I need to know, and you're the best tech we have."

"All right, I'll do this. Just give me a little time, since I'm working on a case for Sam's team right now. I'll call you once I know something."

"I'll be waiting." He hung up the phone and stubbed out his cigar, suddenly sickened by the taste and smell. Standing, he turned on the overhead fan to disperse the scent and went to the kitchen. He wasn't hungry, but he did get out the orange juice and poured himself a glass. Sipping at it, he stared out the window and watched the rain pour down.

Dave was jarred from his reverie by his phone ringing and he jogged back into the study, wondering if it was Penelope calling back already. "Did you find something already, Kitten?" he asked without bothering to look at the display.

"No, Dave. It's me, your boss. Where the hell are you?"

He breathed in deeply, feeling ready to lay into Hotch and knowing it wasn't the time. "I'm taking a personal day today. And tomorrow. Will that be a problem?"

"Yes, especially when you give me no warning. And you have Garcia doing what for you exactly?"

"That's personal, Hotch. I'll see you when I get back." Dave hung up before he said something that would get him suspended. He sat down once more, thinking about what to do. There was no way Erin could go back to work anytime soon. The stress of her job on top of the sorrow she was facing could very easily cause her to turn to drinking once more. And he would not let that happen to her.

His phone rang and this time he made sure to check the screen. "Yes, Kitten?"

"I found out what you asked." She sounded despondent and he knew that he'd drawn her into their orbit of sorrow. "The authorities in California are not releasing the names of the victims yet, but I tracked the receipts, like you suggested. Based on that data, and the fact that there has been no further activity on the credit cards, I'm concluding that it was her family. Dave, what are we going to do?"

He knew she was crying and he knew how she felt. "We'll take care of her, Kitten. I promise, we'll make sure she's okay." The minute the words were out of his mouth, he knew they were the right ones.

"May I come over? I know a little of what she feels, given how I lost my parents. Please?"

He weighed her words carefully, wondering how Erin would feel. "That might be nice, Penny. I'm sure she could use a friendly face right now."

"Thank you, Dave. I'll be there in about ninety minutes. Does she have a favorite food that I could bring?"

"I know she orders Indian quite a bit from that café three blocks down from us. They're sure to have her order on file."

"Okay. And I'll bring us food, too. See you in a bit."

He hung up and Dave shook his head, wondering if Erin was ready to have the human tornado that was Penelope Garcia in her life. Sighing, he thought of one last call he had to make. Flipping through his contacts, he touched Director Shepperd's number. "Director? This is David Rossi."

"Dave, what can I do for you?"

"There's been an incident with Section Chief Straus…"

"Oh, god, as she fallen off the wagon? Aaron thought something like this would happen," he interrupted, and Dave frowned.

"No, Sir. She tried to kill herself by jumping off the top of our building last night. Her family was killed yesterday in that helicopter accident in California. She would have been there as well had you not denied her time off."

Dave heard the quickly indrawn breath and nodded slightly. "My god, is she okay?"

"She's sleeping now, but she is understandably heartbroken. Penelope Garcia and I are taking care of her right now. She's going to need time off. As much as she needs, Harold."

"Of course, David, of course. Anything she needs. I'll put Aaron Hotchner in charge of her duties once more…"

"No, I think that would be a mistake in this case. I'll take over her duties until she is able to return. Since Garcia and I are taking care of her, I'll be able to get her approval on how I run things."

There was a long pause before Shepperd spoke next. "Fine, that will work, too. When do you plan to start?"

"The day after tomorrow. Today will be a lull day, but tomorrow will be rough. It will wash over her once again, knocking her feet out from under her." He sighed and rubbed his face slightly, thinking of Carolyn and his son.

"I'll see you in a few days, then. Take good care of her, Dave."

"Would you expect any less of me?" He hung up before the Director could answer and set his glass and the phone aside. Mudgie started to whine and he got up to let his dog out. When he got back, he heard a sharp cry come from his room and he rushed up to Erin.

Opening the door, he found her sitting up and crying. "Dave?" she asked, looking up at him from where her head rested on her knees.

"Yeah, Erin?" He sat on the bed and she leaned against him. "Was it another bad dream?"

"Yes."

"They'll come, Topalina."

"I know. I just hate them. I watched the footage of the accident over and over, trying to make sense of it. I burned the images in my brain and now it won't stop stalking me."

"Oh, my sweet Topalina," he whispered, wrapping an arm around her waist as he felt her rub her face into his chest. "Penelope will be here in just a little while with food. She's still concerned about you."

"I don't know why. I've never given her cause to be nice."

"She loves people very easily, especially when they've been hurt by life. Don't be surprised if she calls you her Lambie, though. I think that's the nickname she's going to settle on for you."

Erin nodded against him and sighed a little. "It might be nice to have someone like her in my life. There would never be a dull moment," she said softly, curling her hand in his shirt.

"That is most definitely true, Topalina," he said before kissing the top of her head once more.


	6. Chapter 6

Erin had fallen asleep fairly quickly and Dave found himself content to sit and hold her close. He had no idea what he was doing here, but it felt so right to have her in his arms. "Those are dangerous thoughts, Davie," he muttered, looking down at her. Her face had finally relaxed, the tortured look easing.

Again, he kissed her forehead before getting up and going downstairs. He paced back and forth, trying to think of a way to make this all better. He needed to be a friend to her at this time. Not think about how soft she was in his arms, how lovely she looked when she trustingly relaxed into him. Dave barely noticed the time passing, he was so lost in thought, and the doorbell ringing finally snapped him from his reverie.

Going to the door, he looked out and saw Penelope there, struggling to balance a few bags in her arms. Opening it, he took the largest one from her hands. "Hey, Kitten. That didn't take too long."

"It's been two hours since I called, Dave. I had to pick up some other essentials. How is she?"

"Still hurting. Devastated. She's been sleeping a lot, which is good. Carolyn slept a lot after we lost James, and it seemed to help her so much." He led her into the kitchen and Penelope began to take boxes out of the bags.

"Could you get out some plates and serving spoon?" she asked absently as she rooted through his refrigerator. "Honestly, do you live on whiskey? There's not one thing she can drink around here."

"Usually I have tap water. I find it better than bottled. And I hadn't thought of that, Kitten. I trust her, though. I know she wouldn't do anything so foolish as fall off the wagon at a time like this."

Penelope pulled her head out of the fridge to look at him. "She tried to kill herself, Dave. I remember what she's feeling so clearly, and nothing was beyond my scope of trying to find a way to forget. We'll need to keep a close eye on her, and if you're not up for that task, let me know right now. I have some vacation time built up, and I'll take care of her, but I'm only one person. I'm going to need your help."

He was shocked by her vehemence, and slowly he nodded. "I am more than up for that task, Kitten."

"Then you are going to have to wake up to her reality. When you and Carolyn lost James, you had each other. She believes she has no one in this world. She wouldn't have tried to leave if she thought someone, anyone, in her world cared about her. Maybe I'm just projecting, though." She smiled slightly and he went to her side, covering her hand gently.

"No, you just understand the grief she's going through. I trust your judgment, Penelope." He smiled back at her and then pulled out three glasses and a pitcher from the cupboard above her head. A he filled the pitcher with water, Penelope plated their food and he took a deep breath, relishing the delicious scent of Indian spices. Dave took out a tray and helped Penelope arrange the plate, utensils, and napkins on it before they went upstairs.

Erin was sitting up on the bed, a faraway look on her face. Dave noticed that she'd taken off her blouse and bra, setting them on top of her jacket, and had put on his sweater. "Good afternoon, Erin. I brought us Indian food for lunch. Nikel said this was your favorite." Penelope sat next to her on the bed, carefully balancing the tray on her lap.

Dave sat at the foot of the bed, setting the pitcher on the trunk as he pulled apart the glasses. Filling one, he handed it to Erin. "Thank you, David, Penelope." Erin delicately spread out the napkin on her lap and took the plate Penelope held out to her. "I appreciate this so much." Dave watched her bite her lip and knew she was trying not to cry.

"You are more than welcome, lambie." He caught the pleased smile Erin quickly swallowed. "Hotch wasn't very happy with me skipping out early, but sod him."

"Penelope! He's still your supervisor. You need to treat him with respect."

"I will when he treats you with respect, Erin." Penelope smiled gently and Dave watched Erin tear up once more, concentrating on her food. When they'd finished eating, Dave piled everything on the tray and set it aside. Penelope reached out and placed her hand on Erin's shoulder. "I know."

Erin pulled back a little, her mask slipping into place. "So, it's common knowledge at work, then."

"No, it's not. Only Dave and I know, I think. I didn't tell anyone, because it is your story to tell. I understand."

Erin let out a bitter laugh. "How could you have any idea, Penelope? Nothing bad has ever happened to you."

"On the contrary." Penelope slid her hand down to Erin's hand and clasped it tightly. "When I was eighteen, my parents went out looking for me. I wasn't home on time, you see, and they were worried. They were so worried about me that they never saw the speeding car coming at them. The driver was drunk, but I felt with every fiber of my being that it was my fault."

Dave had never heard the story come from her lips before, and he saw the tears that pooled in her eyes. "Oh, Penelope, it was never your fault. Even at my worst, I knew not to drive drunk. It's one of the most horrible decisions a person can make, and I couldn't do that."

"I know that, too. Helen and I devised a system, you know, to make sure a cab was always ready for you. I didn't really like you then, but I did respect that decision so much."

"And how do you feel about me now?"

"And now, we're sort of on equal footing. I know what it feels like to have everything that matters to you destroyed in a heartbeat." Erin nodded slowly and leaned against Penelope, resting her head on the other woman's shoulder. "This is going to be hurtful, and I apologize in advance, but have you thought about making arrangements?"

"No. I guess I've pushed that detail to the back of my brain. I've never done anything like this before. All of our parents are still living. Where do I even begin?"

"Penelope and I can help you with that, Erin. We both have experience with things of that nature." Dave tried to smile at her and she nodded in return before burying her face in Penelope's shoulder and beginning to cry in earnest once more.

"What's wrong, my sweet lambie?" Penelope asked tenderly as she rubbed Erin's back.

"You both are being so kind to me. It's a little overwhelming." Her voice was so low that Dave had to strain to hear it. "Could, could you give me a few minutes?"

"If course, Erin." Dave got up and looked pointedly at Penelope. She nodded and then softly kissed Erin's forehead. "We'll be down in the study when you're ready to join us once more."

Penelope joined him as Erin nodded absently. Penelope remained quiet until they were in the study. "Dave, what has her life become that a little kindness can disconcert her so? I don't care what the others think or say, I'm not going to leave her side. She is my lambie now, and I will protect her with every ounce of my being."

He smiled at the ferocity in her voice. "I know you will, Kitten." He led her over to the plush sofa and they sat. She held his hand tightly and he smiled at her. "If we're in this together, where do we start?"

"One day at a time. Tomorrow is going to be the worst. It just hits you. The numbness disappears and you're left with this raw hole where your heart used to be." Penelope swiped away some tears and frowned. "I think I should be the one to stay with her, Dave. I know, perhaps a little better than you, what she's going through."

"She's not a child, Penelope."

"I know, but I wish someone had stepped up in my case and offered to be there for me. Do you think she'll let me in?"

"I don't know, Kitten. You'll have to ask her yourself…"

"Yes, I will, Penelope." They both turned back to look at Erin, who was smiling tremulously. Penelope stood and went to her side, holding out her hand. Erin clasped it tightly and let herself be led over to the sofa. "I want to go home. Will, will you come with me? Both of you? I don't think I should be alone right now."

"Whatever you want, Erin." Penelope tucked a piece of hair behind Erin's ear and smiled at her.

"Thank you." Dave watched Erin's eyes close as she leaned against Penelope, tears tracking down her face once more. "Do the tears ever end?"

"Eventually, lambie. But let them come, you'll feel better in the long run." Penelope rubbed her back lightly, letting the older woman burrow into her. "Are you ready to head out now?"

"I suppose," Erin mumbled, not moving from her spot. Gently, Dave pulled her up and she smiled sadly at him. "I guess I've lost my mooring, David."

"We'll be your safe harbor, Erin, for as long as you need." She nodded and let him lead her out to the kitchen and then into the garage, Penelope following close behind.


	7. Chapter 7

The drive to Erin's home didn't take very long, though Rossi felt a bit like a chauffeur. Erin had ensconced herself in the back of the car, curling up against the seat and flipping through her phone. She'd kept his sweater on rather than asking to change before leaving, and he smiled a little at her murmured directions. Finally, though, they pulled into the driveway of her home.

"Well, I guess we're home," Erin said, looking up at him in the rearview mirror. He nodded and got out, waiting for his passengers to join him. He was surprised when Erin laid her hand on his upper arm, gazing up at him tenderly. "Thank you for coming along."

"I won't leave you alone, Topalina."

"Good." Her hand tightened around his upper arm before she clasped his hand, leading him up to the porch. "Penelope, would you get the mail?"

"Certainly, Erin." As Penelope did that, Erin unlocked the door and stepped inside. It was odd to see how she had decorated her home, it was so different from her work aesthetic.

She stood stock still in the center of the foyer and Dave heard her breath catch in her throat. "What is it, Erin?"

"The picture, Dave. I can't bear to look at it." Dave followed Erin's gaze and saw the large portrait of her family. It was a beautiful shot, capturing her warm smile and the love her family shared. "Will you take it down, please?"

He nodded and moved forward, carefully taking it down and leaning it against the wall. "Is that better?"

"Yes, thank you." She came up to his side, wrapping an arm around his waist as she rested he head on his shoulder. "Will you and Penelope stay the night? I can feed you."  
"Whatever you want, we'll do, Erin." Penelope joined them in the foyer, her arm coming to rest around Erin's waist. "You have some messages on your machine. Do you want to listen to them?" Erin nodded and Penelope moved over to the table, pressing the blinking button.

"Hi, Mom. This has been the best day ever! I wish you were here with us, though. Then the best would be even better. We're about to get on the helicopter ride, so I'll be sure to take lots of pictures I love you, Mom, and I'm so glad you're better." Dave felt Erin's tears once more wet shis shirt, and he rubbed her back.

The next message was even worse, though. "This is Lionel Craymer with the San Francisco Police Department. I'm sorry to do this through a phone message, but there's been no answer at either this number or your cell phone. There's been an accident, Ma'am, and I'm sorry to say that your family was killed. Please call me at…" The sound of his voice was drowned out by the sound of Erin's sobs and he led her into the living room.

They sat heavily on the sofa and Erin curled up tightly into his side. "I'm sorry," she choked out.

"Don't be, Topalina. This is perfectly normal. We have you and we won't let you go, I promise," he whispered, kissing her temple lightly.

They sat there for a few long minutes and then Penelope came in. She looked pale as she sank down next to Erin. Dave saw that she was crying, and felt his heart crack a little. "I called Lieutenant Craymer, and told him you'd call tomorrow, that you need time to process what's happened. He was okay with that. I also told him to keep their names out of the news. You deserve your privacy."

"Thank you, Penelope." As Dave watched, Erin deliberately laid her head on Penelope's shoulder, letting the younger woman stroke her hair softly. "Did it hurt this much when you lost your parents?"

"No, I had my brothers, and I had a few friends who were close to me. You lost your entire family. I cannot begin to imagine your sorrow, though I am familiar with my own." Penelope looked over at Dave, smiling sadly. "But like I told you, I will stick close to your side. And if anyone bothers you, I will take care of them."

Erin sighed, and somehow Dave knew she was crying again. "Will you both come upstairs with me? I need to take care of some things before I go to sleep tonight."

"Yes." Dave stood and held out his hands to his ladies. Slowly, Erin uncurled her body and took his left hand, holding on for dear life. Penelope took his right and he led them out of the room. "Which way, Erin?"

"Follow me." She took the lead, tugging them along. Dave and Penelope stumbled up the stairs behind her, but she pressed on, eager to get to her destination. "With three kids, we couldn't have a guest room. And I can't sleep in their rooms. Too much of them in there, you know? But then, too much of Alan is in here." She opened the first door on the left and Dave found himself surrounded by her presence. Her hand was all over the elegant room and he smiled.

"What do you need us to do, lambie?"

Erin looked at them, visibly struggling. "David, would you put his clothes in Patrick's room? I-I think I'm going to lay down on the bed." She moved so slowly, as if trying to stave off some anguish she did not wish to face. As she slipped beneath the sheets, she pulled a pillow close to her chest and began to sob once more. Penelope sat next to her, somehow getting Erin's head on to her lap.

Dave opened the closet and pulled out as many of Alan's clothes as he could carry. He hustled out of the room and quickly found Paul's. It took several trips to remove all traces of him from their room. When he'd finished, Erin was sitting up, her knees pulled tight to her chest as she murmured quietly to Penelope.

"Is there anything you'd like for supper, Erin?" he asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"It will sound silly…"

"No, it won't, Topolina. Name it and I will make it."

"Macaroni and cheese, then. It was the only thing Allie could eat during her treatments…" The admission brought forth a fresh torrent of tears and he rubbed her knee gently as Penelope cuddled her close.

"Everyone needs comfort food once in a while," he said lowly, leaning forward and kissing her cheek tenderly. "I'll go down and see if you have all the necessary ingredients. Kitten, ask her about that time I made a royal ass of myself at the Christmas ball." Erin glanced up at him, a relived smile quickly flitting over her lips.

He walked out the door just as he heard Penelope ask, "So, how did my Italian Stallion manage to make an ass of himself?" He chuckled lowly as he heard Erin begin to explain his escapade. Making his way downstairs, he found the kitchen after looking behind every door in the house, it seemed. Going through the cupboards, he found pasta shells and set the box on the counter. Digging through the freezer, he pulled out a bag of broccoli and set it next to the pasta.

"Let's see what you have in the way of cheese," he said as he opened the refrigerator. "Swiss, provelone, and parmesan, should do nicely." Taking them out, he quickly found a grater and mixed up the three cheeses in a bowl. With that task completed, he filled a pot with water, adding some salt to it before turning on the fire to let it boil.

As he let everything simmer, he turned on the oven so that it could pre-heat. "There's garlic in the pantry." He whirled around to look at Erin. "Penelope's sleeping. Really, David, do you have to work the poor girl to death? She's at work longer than I am."

Dave shrugged a little as he moved to where her hand had indicated, opening the door and finding a braid of garlic bulbs hanging there. Taking one out, he looked at her. "Take it up with Aaron."

"I can't talk to him, David. Especially not now. He just looks at me, and I feel so, so, defeated." She bit her lip as a spark of anger flitted across her face. "He upsets me, and that makes me crave, and that distracts me, and I get nothing done."

"Call on of us, then. Kitten might ream him a new one, but then she'll take care of you. Me, I'll just tell him to go to Hell." He sighed and began to root around her drawers for a garlic mincer.

"It's over here." She handed the mincer to him and then pulled herself up onto the counter, watching him work. "I'm craving right now."

"Penelope figured you would be. She saw that much more clearly than I did. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Being an alcoholic sucks." He made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, not really knowing how to respond. "Alcohol is a substance you can't escape, you know."

"It does seem to appear everywhere, doesn't it?" The water began to boil and he poured in the shells/ "I need a ceramic pan."

"Under my feet." He went over to her side and knelt, opening the cupboard and pulling out the pan he needed. "David?"

"Yes, Topolina?"

"Would you kiss me?" He looked into her clear blue eyes and nodded. Leaning forward, he tenderly kissed her lips and her hand came up to cup his cheek. "Thank you." Nodding, he cupped her face in return and they stared at each other until the buzzer went off.

"I have to drain the pasta now," he said, strangely upset to break contact with her.

"I know." She pulled up one of her knees to wrap her arms around and continued to watch as he made supper, a contented peace falling over the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Dave woke up to a very annoying beep. Without opening his eyes, he reached out and felt for the off button on the alarm clock, only for his hand to meet empty air. Groaning, he sat up and looked around the unfamiliar room, the reality of what had happened slamming into him once more. His back ached from spending the night on the floor and as he cracked it, he saw a slim harm reach out and turn off the alarm.

"Are you up, Dave?" Erin asked softly as she sat up on the bed.

"Uh huh. That is one aggravating sound," he replied as she sat up on the bed.

"That's why I got it. I'm surprised Penelope slept through the beeping." Erin reached over and stroked the other woman's hair. "You know, when she's sleeping like this, I could almost imagine her being my Allie. She slept so trustingly with me whenever Alan went away on business. I didn't realize how much I missed that."

As he watched, tears tracked down her face and he opened his arms. She crawled over to him and he focused on her face, trying not to look down her nightshirt. She snuggled into his embrace, letting him pull her into his lap and rub her back gently. "When James was born, the doctors knew right away that he wouldn't make it and wanted to take him away right then and there. Carolyn wanted to hold him until the very last moment, though, and demanded they let us hold him."

"And did they let you?"

"Yes. He was so tiny, and he'd passed by the time they gave him to me, but I've never forgotten how he filled my arms, how he felt cradled there. When I handed him over to Carolyn is when the doctor told me how much of a blessing this was for us, given the problems he would have faced if he'd survived."

"Oh, Dave," she murmured, rubbing her face against the fabric of his nightshirt. "How you must have suffered." She raised her face to kiss his cheek tenderly. "You never forget how they feel in your arms."

Dave nodded, holding her a little tighter. "I can't listen to that James Taylor song anymore. I cry every single time."

"Oh, god, I didn't even think about music. How am I going to move forward, Dave? And what about work? I could so use a stiff drink right now."

He rubbed her back gently. "No, Topalina, you don't need a drink, you need to rest on us. And do not worry about work,. I am going to try and fill your shoes until you feel ready to come back. Director Shepperd approved it."

Pulling back, she smiled a nit at him, wiping her cheeks. "Thank you. But how about moving forward?"

"We do that one step at a time, Lambie," Penelope softly said as she sat up. "Did you sleep well?"

"I think so. I don't remember any bad dreams at least." She tightened her grip on Dave's nightshirt, and he knew she wasn't exactly being forthcoming. "I suppose I should call Lieutenant Craymer today. What else is there to do?"

"You'll need to call your family and let them know. Penelope and I can help you with that. You'll have to get in touch with a funeral home and begin to make arrangements, things like if you want a visitation time, how you want the service to go, how you want the obituaries to read, and other things"

"Oh. I suppose I'll have to pick out clothes for them. I, I guess I want to start there." Dave nodded and she reached up to caress his cheek. "Okay. Let's start with Allie's room." Getting up, she stood in front of them, her hands clasped.

"Oh, Erin," Penelope whispered as she scrambled off the bed and wrapped her arms around Erin, hugging her tightly. "Come on, Dave. There's work to be done." Smiling a little, he stood and joined them, and Erin surprised him by letting go of Penelope to plaster herself to his side. Penelope raised an eyebrow and he shook his head. "All right, where's Allie's room?"

"Across the hall." Erin took a step forward, tugging him along with her. He followed her closely and rubbed her shoulder as she stopped in front of a closed door. "Would you open it?"

He did so and sighed at the typical teenage room he saw. The walls were painted a cheery yellow and there were posters of the Harry Potter cast on them. "So, what would you like for Allie?"

"Her prom dress. She never got to wear it…" Her control snapped in that moment, and Erin turned into him, wetting his shirt with her tears. "Do you think that will look okay?" she finally gasped out.

"Perfect, Erin. Just perfect." She nodded and let go of him to step over to the closet. Thumbing through the articles of clothing, she finally pulled out a lavender, floor-length, gown. "This is beautiful."

"She fell in love with it the moment she saw it. I tried not to balk at the price tag too much. There are shoes to go with it, as well. Penelope, would you find them while I look through her jewelry?"

She nodded and Erin moved to the bed, picking up the pink jewelry box that rested on the bedside table. "That was yours once, wasn't it?"

"How did you know?"

"My sister had one as well, just like it." He covered her hand with his and helped her open the lid. "The amethyst pendant would match her outfit." Dave pulled it out, letting it dangle from his fingers. "She was a February baby, wasn't she?"

"Uh huh, but she should have been a January baby. When she finally made her entrance into the world on the second, she was sixteen days overdue."

"And she was four when I retired for the first time. I remember you bringing her to my retirement party."

"She refused to go to preschool that morning because I was sad. And I was sad that morning, since my period had just started. We'd been trying for another baby for six months. She loved you from the minute she saw you. When she started high school, I bought her your books."

"Even though you couldn't really stand me."

"Oh, I think you have that wrong, David. I could stand you all too well. Semper fi."

Erin leaned against him as she took the necklace from his hand. Softly, he stroked her hair, trying to make sense of what she had said. "Semper fi," he finally repeated as she set the necklace on top f the dress.

"Okay, on to Nikki." She stood up and swallowed loudly. "Is it bad that this is getting a little easier?"

"No, Lambie, it just means you're processing things a little differently now that you're moving forward." Penelope held out her hand and Erin clasped it tightly. "Now, where to?"

"Next door." They left the room and went to the other bedroom. Erin honed in on an elegant emerald dress that would match Alexandra's dress. "Is there…" Her stomach growled hungrily, and Penelope giggled in response.

"I'll go down and make us breakfast while you finish up here." She made her way over to Erin and kissed her forehead gently. "Do you have flour, milk, eggs, and chocolate chips?" Erin nodded. "Excellent, pancakes it is, then."

When she'd left, Dave closed his arm around Erin's waist once more. "If you want, I can find color coordinating outfits for Alan and Patrick."

"Thank you, but no. I have to see this through to the end." He nodded and they went across the hall to Patrick's room. "Did you hand everything up or just strew it about?"

He smiled at the slightly acerbic tone of her voice, knowing she was steeling herself up for the task at hand. "I hung everything up," he said as he opened the door.

"I knew I could count on you. They have matching tailored navy blue suits. Do you think white for Alan and light blue for Patrick would look nice?"

"Yes, that sounds nice. They wouldn't happen to have matching red ties, would they?"

"No, they don't, but I think they have similar pink ones." She went to the closet and dug the suits and shirts out, setting them on the bed. "Dave?"

E was at her side in an instant and she collapsed into his open arms. "Shh, Topalina, I have you. Neither of us are going to let you go through this alone." Dave rocked back and forth on his heels, trying to sooth her.

"I, I'm not sure I can do this, Davie." He helped her to sit on the bed and watched her lift the shirt to her nose, breathing in deeply. "I miss them so much."

"Cry on my shoulder, Erin," he softly said, running his fingers through her hair. She rested her head against his shoulder and sobbed.

When she had finished crying, she pulled back to look at him. "I'm sorry, I'm probably going to be like this for a long time."

"That's fine, Erin. Penelope is trained to handle that, doing the counseling she does. And I know where you're coming from, too well." She nodded a little and hugged him tightly. "Now, I'll look for the ties. You go help Penelope."

She nodded and stood up, kissing his cheek before she left. "Thank you for saving me, David. I see now that I was trying to take the easy way out."

Erin disappeared from the room and he sighed, going over to the closet once more to find the ties that Erin wanted. Setting them on top of the suits, he made his way downstairs, eager to join the women once more.


	9. Chapter 9

Dave woke up to that annoying alarm once more. He didn't think he would ever get used to that sound. Once more, he watched Erin's slim arm reach out and turn off the alarm. "Are you heading in to work today?" she asked quietly.

"I have to, Erin. Hotch is already pissed at me as it is. But go back to sleep, Penelope's spending the day with you. If you need anything, just give me a call, all right?"

She nodded and lay back down. "You'll need a fresh shirt and tie. Take one of Alan's, you're about the same size, and someone should get some use out of them." He could hear her start to cry once more and he stood, going over to her side and sitting next to her. "Shouldn't this be getting easier?"

"No, Erin, this will hurt for as long as you need it to. Your heart has to heal, you can't put a time frame on that."

"I guess. Before you come home today, will you go to my office and bring all the photos back? I, I want to change them out. I have better ones here."

"Of course I can do that, Erin. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

She shrugged. "Not that I can think of. Feel free to use the toiletries in the master bath." She yawned deeply and he smiled down at her. "I think I will go back to sleep now. Have a good dat."

Erin turned on her side, curling up against Penelope. "I'll see you this evening, then, Topalina." She nodded and then he bent over to kiss first Penelope's cheek and then Erin's. "Remember me, call me."

"If I need to, I will." He stood up and watched her cuddle closer to Penelope, sleep coming over her in moments. Once he was certain she wouldn't wake again, he left the room, going over to Patrick's and picking out a light blue shirt and purple tie. While Alan was a few inches taller than him, they were about the same chest size, and he picked out a navy blue blazer to go with everything.

He then went into the master bath, stripping off his clothes and stepping into the shower. As the water washed down over him, he thought about how he would react to whatever Hotch said to him. It would not be anything good, the man had made it clear that he didn't care how much Erin had changed.

Picking up the bar of soap, he lathered the washcloth and washed his body. Erin was fragile and open to him, more so than she'd been in the twenty years they'd known each other. And he couldn't help but want to protect her. He was good at that, Carolyn had told him so numerous times. And Aaron would use her fragility to his advantage, making certain their team was favored. Dave shook his head in disgust as he let the water wash off the soap.

Turning off the water, he stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. Quickly dressing, he went downstairs and rummaged through the fridge, grabbing out a bagel to eat on the way in.

The drive was quiet, and he made it to the office in good time. As he rode up to the bullpen, his phone vibrated and he pulled it out, expecting to see something from Erin. Instead there was a text from JJ, asking him to come up to the war room right away. With a groan, he shoved the phone back in his pocket and squared his shoulders in preparation for what would come.

The doors opened on his floor, and he stepped out, looking into the bullpen. Reid and Morgan were outside his office door, and he wondered what was going on. Picking up his pace, he dug out his keys and quickly jogged up the stairs. "Good morning."

"Morning. Do you know where my Baby Girl is? Kevin's in her office and even he doesn't know where she is or what's going on."

"I'm not sure what's up with Garcia. I was off yesterday, so I'm as out of the loop as you are." He lied easily as he opened his door and set his briefcase down. "Why are we meeting with Jayje?"

"No clue. Let's go, though. Neither she, nor Hotch, are in good moods today." Reid looked out and shivered. "She's coming." They hurried over to the war room and Dave found Hotch wouldn't meet his eye as they took a seat.

"Good morning, everyone," JJ said as she shut the door. Her face was grim and Dave knew Shepperd had met with her sometime yesterday. "There's no easy way to say this. We've been grounded for the foreseeable future, as per the Director's orders. Desk duty or teaching for all of us and we have to deal with Lynch. Penelope had to take some personal time. Again, I don't know for how long, but I was told to expect her to be out three to four weeks."

"And we get no say in this?" Morgan asked angrily, looking to Emily for support.

"I'm sorry, no. This is a done deal. Welcome to custodials, paperwork, and subbing in classrooms for a month." She sighed and took a seat next to him. "I'm not looking forward to this, either."

"It could be worse, you know. And you'll get to spend time with your families for a month." Dave felt her gaze hone in on him. "I'm just saying…"

"I'd can it, if I were you, Rossi. Jayje does not look in the mood this morning," Emily drawled. Taking a good look at the woman, he nodded. "After all these years, you're finally learning."

As he shrugged, JJ spoke once more. "I'll be coming around with your assignments in a little bit. Rossi, if you'd stay behind, I have a few things I need to discuss with you." Morgan and Emily both laughed as they left the room, and Reid followed them, hot at their heels. Hotch gave him a long, searching, look before he left and he knew his day was only beginning.

"What do you need, Jen?" he asked as she closed the door.

Taking a seat next to him once more, she steepled her fingers. "The Director has instructed me not to give you any assignments. He said that you're doing a special assignment for him for the entire time of Penelope's absence. Care to tell me what's really going on here?"

"Not really much more to tell, Jen, besides the fact that I'll be out of the office as well."

JJ frowned, crossing her arms across her chest. "That tells me nothing."

"Exactly. That's all you need to know at this point. When I am at liberty to tell you more, I will."

The tension drained from her body. "Are you going undercover? Aren't you a bit old for that?"

"It's not undercover work, it really is a special assignment." He smiled and got up. "I'm going to be fine, trust me." He opened the door and began to head towards his office.

Dave had almost made it to the safety of his sanctuary when Aaron's door swung pen. "Rossi, I need to see you. Now!"

Taking a deep breath, he spun on his heel to face his friend. "What can I do for you, Hotch?" he asked as he stepped inside the man's office, closing the door behind him. He took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, wanting to put some distance between them.

"You're gone for two days, Penelope's out for almost as long, and now she's going to be out for a month or more? What is going on here?" he asked angrily as he sat down.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Hotch? There are some things that are none of your business." He tried to sound bored, but knew his voice was tight, one of his tells. "Oh, and before you go whining to Erin about how we're keeping secrets from you, don't bother. I'm the acting Section Chief for the foreseeable future."

Aaron's eyes narrowed as he sat forward. "What, did she fall off the wagon again? Already?"

It took everything in Dave not to stand up and slug Aaron on the nose. Instead, he breathed deeply through his nostrils to calm himself, staring his best friend down. "No. I spoke with her and Shepperd yesterday. It seems that something came up in her personal life that she has to deal with."

"Are their names Jack and Jose?"

He felt his jaw clench almost as tightly as his fists. "Fuck you, Hotchner. I knew you could be a bastard like me, I just didn't know how big of one you truly are." Standing, he sneered at the man, his hands shaking from anger. "If you'll excuse me." He stalked from the room, taking care not to slam the door as he exited.

Emily raised her eyebrows as she caught his eye and he shook his head. She stood and hurried up the stairs as he unlocked his door, and she followed him inside. "So, what has Aaron done now to piss you off?" she asked as she shut the door behind her.

"He's just pissed with a decision the Director made. He'll live with it. I am going to need you to be my eyes and ears around here, though, while Penelope is out. I'm not going to be in the office much, either."

"I don't play politics. You know that, Dave."

"I'm not asking you to spy. I just need to be kept in the loop. I trust you'll know the difference." She nodded and they fell into an easy conversation as he packed up his briefcase with what he'd need for his time away from the office.


	10. Chapter 10

After lunch, Dave holed himself back up in his office. It had been a long morning, what with him trying to avoid Hotch as much as possible. It was an easy task, he soon found out, as Hotch was avoiding him as well.

Around three, Penelope called his cellphone, and he grimaced a little as he answered the call. "Yes, Garcia?"  
"How much time were you able to wrangle off for me?"

Her voice sounded tired, sad, and he nodded, feeling the same. "We have at least a month off, Kitten. How is she doing?"

"She slept most of the morning away. I woke her up for lunch and she ate most of it. Right now, she's vegging out on Netflix. We need to fly out to California."

"We?"

"Well, Erin and myself. You probably can't, given your temporary duties. Lieutenant Craymer told me that Erin would need to escort the bodies home, and she's not strong enough to do that on her own. Since you can't be with her to do that, I'm stepping up to the plate. How did the others take the news?"

He cleared his throat and looked out at the bullpen. The others were milling about, though Emily did glance up at him, a pensive look on her face. "I only told Hotch about my temporary position. And I nearly lost my cool with him."

"What? Why?"

Dave let out a soft sigh. "I don't think you want to know, Kitten. I know that you look up to him, as you should, and I wouldn't want to do anything that might change your opinion of him."

"I can handle whatever you have to say, Dave. Do I need to remind him what happens when someone hurts one of my friends?"

A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he shook his head. "He was just trying to tell me that Erin's problems were the fault of Jack and Jose."

"That bastard," she hissed and he heard Erin murmur something in the background. "No, Erin, in this case, he is a bastard, and if I was there I would slap him on your behalf."

"Retract your claws, Kitten, I'll keep things under control here. Did you get plane tickets yet?"

"No, I was planning on doing that later this evening, actually. Why?"

He looked down at the picture of Erin and her family that he had nicked from her office during lunch and rubbed his thumb over her face. "I'll get back to you in about fifteen minutes, okay? Just wait until I get back to you before you make any more plans."

"All right. Oh, here, Erin wants to talk to you for a moment."

He listened over the line as Penelope handed the phone over to Erin, and they both sighed in unison before she started speaking. "David, please, remember that Aaron is under an enormous amount of pressure. I'm certain that he doesn't mean the things he says."

Dave reached up and stroked his goatee, trying to think of a way to frame the question clawing at his lips without upsetting his Topalina. "Why would you say that to me, Erin?" he finally asked, hoping she wouldn't take offense.

"Because I know he's your best friend. And I know that if I had a best friend, I would want to be reminded that sometimes the words we say in a moment of pique are not what our heart truly feels. Give him some slack. Please?"

He smiled a little as he looked down at her picture, grinning up at him from behind glass. "For you, I think that I would do anything, Erin. All you ever had to do was ask."

"I wish I had known that back when you came out of retirement. I might have asked for a lot more." It was good to hear her teasing him a little, and his smile grew as he chuckled a little.

"Then it's a good thing I didn't let you know that. I'll see you tonight?"

"Yes. We're making lasagna, though I know it won't measure up to your exacting Italian standards. So, just pretend that you like it?"

"Maybe I won't have to pretend," he responded and she laughed a little at that. "See you tonight." He hung up with her and then took a deep breath before calling the Director. "Harold, it's David."

"Good afternoon, Dave. How is Erin today?"

"She was just joking with me, but I'm not too certain that that was a good thing. She has to fly out to California and claim her family, and Penelope wants to go with her. And I have a rather large favor to ask of you."

"You want them to take the jet you normally use to get out to your cases, since I've grounded your team anyway for the time being."

He let out a soft chuckle as he nodded. "I guess I'm sort of transparent, aren't I?"

"About some things, yes. And I am fully behind you in this one. Her family should come home with honor, given her position with the FBI. A commercial flight would just never do. Would you like me to inform her of my decision, or would you like to do the honors?"

"I was hoping to do the honors. If you wouldn't mind."

"That would be fine. You're closer to Erin than I am, anyway. When should I have the jet ready?"

"Tomorrow morning, with takeoff at nine?"

"Yes, that will work perfectly. Give her my best regards, and I'll talk with you later."

"Thank you, Sir." They hung up and he grinned as he called Penelope back. "Kitten, I have good news for you."

"What?" she asked, a bit shortly, and he wondered what was going on.

"The Director agreed to let you use the jet for the transport. He said it was only right that the FBI honor Erin in this way. May I talk to her, tell her the news?"

She sighed. "She's in the bathroom right now. I said something that upset her, and she ran off, crying. I know that it's to be expected, but it still hurts a little."

Suddenly, Dave wished that he could be there with them in that moment, and he looked back out at the bullpen. Emily was talking to JJ, and then they both looked up at him, frowning a little. He smiled and waggled his fingers at them, and Emily smiled back, giving him a tiny wave in return. "I think I'm going to come home a little early, then. I know that you were planning on making supper for me, but perhaps we could make it together?"

"I think that we'd all enjoy that, Dave. How long do you think you'll be?"

He glanced down at his watch. "I could be home in about ninety minutes. I still have to grab a box for Erin's pictures."

"Her house isn't home for us, Dave."

He started at that realization, and nodded to himself. "I know that. But, for her, we are home at the moment. If that makes sense."

"It does. We'll see you soon, then."

This time, she was the one to hang up, and he shook his head a little as he stuffed the phone in his pocket before picking up his briefcase. Stepping out into the bullpen, he searched out Agent Anderson and quickly made his way over to the younger man. "Anderson, I need to ask you a favor. I need a medium sized box, strong enough to hold some picture frames and a bonsai plant."

The agent looked up at him quizzically. "The only person who has a bonsai here is Chief Strauss. Has she quit on us then?"

Dave shook his head. "No, she's just going to be working from home for a month or so, and I was tasked with bringing over her family pictures and the tree. She seems to think that no one will be able to take care of her precious tree quite like she can."

"She does have a point there, Sir," Anderson replied as he stood up. "Just follow me."

Together, they went over to a storage room and the agent pulled out a large box. "Maybe a little smaller," Dave said as he took a look at it. After rummaging around a little more, Anderson showed him the perfect sized box, and he nodded. Then, they went to Erin's office, and he nodded to her assistant before fishing out the key to Erin's office.

"Come inside," he told Anderson as he flipped on the light. Dave immediately zoned in on the pictures that decorated her space and he slowly packed them all in the box, trying desperately not to start crying.

He must have failed, though, because he heard the soft click of the door closing, and he looked up into the younger man's eyes. "Is everything really okay with Chief Strauss?" he asked delicately.

"I can't tell you what she's going through, Anderson. But if you pray, send up an extra one for her?" The younger man nodded. "And this goes without saying, but you are not to tell anyone else that she is suffering. There are many in the BAU who would be all too glad to gloat."

"I understand, Sir." Dave nodded and picked up her box, setting the tree on top of her pictures. "And tell her that shared sorrow is half sorrow."

A warm smile slipped across his lips as he nodded. "I will, Anderson," he replied as he walked out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm home!" Dave called out as he entered the door, setting the box down on the kitchen table. "Kitten? Topalina?"

There was no reply, and he frowned a little as he began to go through the house, looking for them. He had arrived a little earlier than the ninety minutes he had told Penelope, but still, there should have been some response. He headed to the living room first, knowing that Erin spent a lot of time there just based off the amount of carpet wear there was. They weren't in there, and he let out a low breath of disappointment.

Shaking his head, he turned around and began to make his way up the stairs, hoping that Erin had decided to take a nap. He smiled a little as he heard the low murmuring of voices behind the door of the master bedroom, and he knocked softly to let them know that he was there. "Come in, Dave!" Penelope called out and he opened the door, peeking his head inside. Erin was asleep on the bed, her head resting in Penelope's lap.

"How long has she been sleeping?" he asked lowly as he closed the distance between them, sinking down onto the mattress and picking up Erin's hand, gently massaging it, needing to feel her.

"For about fifteen minutes. She came to apologize not five minutes after we hung up, and then she complained of having a headache. I think all the crying has started to make her hurt. I remember this phase, too. Where I wanted to sob so badly, but my chest hurt from breathing so hard, and my eyes hurt from the tears, and my cheeks felt like they were sanded by my rubbing the salt from tears over them." She looked up at him helplessly, her brown eyes looking so wet and luminous. "Dave, I just want to hug all the pain out of her, and I know that I can't do that."

"Don't worry, I want to do the same. So, Anderson is praying for her, as well. I had him help me gather the things that she wanted, and I wasn't very good at hiding my emotions. I trust him to not go telling tales out of turn."

She gave him a warm smile as she nodded, letting her fingers run through Erin's hair. The woman stirred beneath the touches, her eyes blinking rapidly as she came to awareness. "David, you're home already." A soft smile curved Erin's lips upwards, and Dave had to fight the urge to lean down and kiss her just as softly.

"I couldn't bear to be away from two lovely ladies any longer. I made certain to bring your bonsai tree home, even though I know Helen would have looked after it. Your assistant is a most loyal woman."

"That she is, and thank you." Her eyes closed once more as she groaned lowly in the back of her throat. "I've slept so much, and I still feel so tired. Is this going to be my new normal?"

Dave looked to Penelope, and she pursed her lips together a little. Taking a deep breath, he nodded. "Yeah, it is, Erin. Until you become accustomed to this life. And I'm not going to sugarcoat things, it is going to suck."

She sighed as she sat up, leaning forward so that she could drape her body against his, her arms coming to rest around his neck. "I don't think that I'm strong enough to do this, David," she said lowly, her voice full of sadness.

"Alone, no. That is why you have Penelope. And me. We are going to be by your side, for as long as you need us, and nothing that you can say or do will chase us away. I swear to you on James's life that this will be my truth until you tell me to go."

Erin let out a heartbroken sigh as she nodded, burying her face into the crook of his shoulder. He could tell that she was crying once more by the way her shoulders shook, and he gently ran one hand up and down her back as he met Penelope's eye. There was a tiny bit of censure there, and he frowned, shaking his head. "I'm going to go down and assemble everything that we need to make the lasagna, Erin. Do you want to come with me?" she asked as she climbed off the bed, clearly expecting Erin to tell her yes.

"Would you mind if I stayed here for a moment? I need this, Penny." Erin sighed as she nuzzled her nose into the collar of his shirt, and he saw Penelope shake her head slightly.

"As long as you know what you're doing, Erin. I'll be in the kitchen, whenever you decide to come join me."

She stalked from the room, and Dave knew that he would have to make serious amends with her before the evening was through. He just wanted what Erin wanted at the moment, and could only hope that his Kitten would come to understand in time. "David, I have to call Alan's friends, and his boss. Penelope was helping me to make lists today, and it seems so overwhelming. There's the school, Allie's choir, our church, not to mention our families. I have no idea where to start, or if I even want to start. They're going to put me under a microscope, judge me for living when everyone else died. I don't know if I can handle a visitation service, let alone the two that Penelope thinks will be necessary. Can I tell you something?"

He nodded a little. "You can tell me anything, Erin. I promise that I won't judge you at all. I'm here to be your friend and support."

"Oh, David, you have no idea how good those words sound, but I know that you'll judge me after this. I judge me for these thoughts. I was really tempted today to drive over to your house and drink every bottle of alcohol that you have in your liquor cabinet. In the back of my head, I know that doing so would likely kill me, but…I want to see my babies again. I want to hold them and kiss them and tell them that everything will be all right."

Erin's sobs choked out her words and he just held her as he struggled to keep from crying himself. "Shh, Topalina. You'll make yourself ill if you cry this hard, and then you won't be able to enjoy supper. And we need you here, with us. Promise me that you'll think of us before you do anything rash."

"I'll try. That's the most I can promise right now. Every hour, every minute, that I'm awake, I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin." She took a deep breath and pushed away from him to look into his eyes. "I don't know why I'm always asking you this, David, but, would you please kiss me? You make me feel grounded, rooted to this world when you do."

A small part of his brain screamed at him not to oblige her, that it was madness to encourage something between them when she was grieving for the family that she had lost. His heart, however, broke at the way Erin gazed up at him trustingly, as if she knew that he would never do anything that would harm her. "All you had to do was ask, Topalina," he finally responded before lowering his head and brushing his lips against hers.

Erin sighed lightly before deepening the kiss, her hands quickly becoming anchored in the fabric of his shirt as the buss lingered. Knowing that he had to stop this before they both crossed a line that would irreparably rend their friendship, Dave took the initiative and gently covered her hands with his, pulling them away as he ended the kiss. There was a mixture of sorrow and confusion in her eyes as she stared at him, and he reached up to caress her cheek tenderly. "Why did you push me away?"

"Because I respect and care for you too much to ruin our friendship with something as tiny as a kiss. I want you to heal, I do not want to set you back in your recovery, at all." He let his fingers run through her hair a little as she nodded. "All right, do you feel like heading down and starting supper now?"

"I suppose. I'm not as hungry as I was earlier, but you two need to eat. We went grocery shopping this morning, and I made certain to pick up what I remembered to be your favorite cookies. There are still a few things that I remember about our past."

He chuckled a little as he helped her from the bed. It didn't surprise him that she plastered her body to his as they made their way from the room, though he was surprised at how natural it felt. David couldn't help but rest his head against hers as they went downstairs, knowing that he was quickly moving into dangerous territory, and not really certain that he cared.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

"All right, we have to be at the air field in an hour. Is there anything that I can do before we get under way?" Dave asked the next morning as he put the last of the breakfast dishes into the washer.

"No, I think that we're good, Dave. Remember, the jet will come back tomorrow afternoon at about five. I left you a list of people you need to call yet, and then when we get back, we can finalize the details of the funeral." Penelope gave him a tight smile as she picked up her purse. "All right, let's head out. It might take a little extra time to get there this morning, what with the construction."

"That's right, I forgot about that." He picked up his keys from the hook and slipped them into his pocket, smiling sadly at his Erin. The possessive thought gave him pause, and he took a deep breath before meeting her eyes. He could tell that she was fighting the urge to cry once more, and he opened his arms.

Without a moment's hesitation, she stepped into the embrace, nuzzling her cheek against the fabric of his shirt. "I miss them so much already," she whispered heartbrokenly, and he nodded against the top of her head, fighting the urge to kiss her in front of Penelope. He knew that his friend was not too keen on the fact that he and Erin were growing close, and if he was honest with himself, he was a little unnerved by the quickness as well.

"I wish that I had words to give you, Erin. I wish that I could tell you that you're going to wake up tomorrow and everything will be perfect. But that's not the way that life works."

"I know," she said before running her hand down his arm and hooking pinkies with him. "We have to leave now. I have to go bring them home."

Her voice broke on the last word, and he sighed as he led her out to his car. "I will be lifting you up to God the entire time that you're out in California."

"I know you will, David. That's why my heart trusts you already. You welcomed me back from rehab, you made certain that I was okay, and that my office was dry." He went to protest as he opened the car door for her, and she shook her head. "Don't try to deny it, my assistant already told me that it was you. And you left me tulips, because you remembered how much I loved them."

They paused for a moment, and Erin looked up at him, her eyes swimming with tears. "I had to do it for you, Erin," he said lowly, watching Penelope get in the back, her eyes never leaving them, as if she was watching to make certain that he wouldn't hurt Erin any more than she already was.

"You are such a good man," she said lowly before raising up on her tiptoes and kissing him lightly. "Thank you for saving me."

"I would do it again in a heartbeat, Erin. Never doubt that."

She nodded and slipped into the car, curling up against Penelope, letting the woman sling an arm around her shoulders as Dave got behind the wheel and started his car up. As he drove to the airfield, he turned the music up enough so that it would mask their conversation, since he didn't want to eavesdrop. Though he did hear his name bandied about a few times, he resisted the temptation to interject with some smart comment, instead keeping a running prayer going for her as the miles slipped away.

Dave nodded to the pilot as he pulled to a stop, and then went to the trunk of the car, popping it open and grabbing the two bags that Penelope had put there earlier. By the time he had closed the trunk, the women were already climbing the stairs and he rushed over to put the bags on the plane with them.

"Are you coming along, too?" the pilot asked, and he shook his head. "All right, I plan on taking off in fifteen minutes."

"Thanks, that should be plenty of time to say goodbye." He shook the woman's hand and then climbed the stairs to see Erin and Penelope huddled together in the back, already talking lowly to each other. "Will one of you call me the moment you land? I want to make certain that you arrive safely, and that everything goes well. You are both in my heart."

Erin looked up at him, a tender smile gracing her lips as she nodded. "I will do that, David. Thank you again."

He nodded and gave them a small wave before leaving the plane and heading back to his car. He sat there and watched the plane take off, needing to make certain that they were safely in the air before heading off to work.

As Dave drove, he wondered how to field the questions that he knew the others were bound to ask about Penelope. And a small part of him was sad that no one would ask after Erin, that they would be relieved that she was out of the office for a few days. His thoughts were interrupted by the jangle of his phone, and he touched the Bluetooth button on his steering wheel to answer it. "Rossi here."

"Dave, where are you?"

He sighed at the slight annoyance evident in his friend's voice and fought the urge to snap at him. "I'm on my way in right now, Hotch. I had an errand to run this morning, and it took a little longer than I planned."

"All right, just get here as soon as possible. We have to deal with Kevin for a few days, since Penelope took an unexpected vacation, and he is already working on my last nerve."

And just like that, Dave was glad that he was driving and could roll his eyes at Hotch, knowing the man could do nothing about the slight insubordination. "Kevin is just really earnest. And I should be there in half an hour."

He hung up before Hotch could reply, and tried to focus on the drive in. He could only keep a constant prayer going through his mind for Erin, the pilot, Penelope, and everyone that they were going to encounter the moment they landed in California. He knew that Erin would have a rough time out there, because he knew that he would have a rough time trying to get through the task that she was facing.

Somehow, he made it in to the office safely, and he shook his head a little, trying to dissipate the fog that was surrounding his heart and head that morning. He knew that he had to be focused, otherwise Hotch would just start picking at him until he had the full story out of him. Taking a deep breath, he got out of the car and made his way over to the elevators, holding it when he heard a familiar voice call out.

"Hey, thanks, Rossi. I am running so late this morning. But it looks like you are, too. I would have thought that you would be well rested after your little vacation. Is everything okay?"

Dave wondered how much he should tell Emily, since she wasn't the fondest of Erin. "I had a rough few days, there's some business that I'm taking care of, and the problem still hasn't resolved itself. I don't think that it will be a quick fix, however. This is such a mess, Emily."

"Well, you know that I'm always here to listen to you, if you need that."

"I know, thanks. I just don't think that I can share this problem at the moment, since it is so personal. Just, think good thoughts for a dear heart going through one of the worst times in her life."

Emily reached out and touched his shoulder lightly, and he looked into her eyes, noting the concern there that went deeper than just a casual friendship. "If there's anything I can do for your friend, you just let me know, okay? If you're this concerned for her, it must be something awful, and I wouldn't even wish whatever that is on Strauss."

He tried to muffle his chuckle in a cough, and he thought he mostly succeeded, though she did frown at him for a moment before pulling him into a tight hug. "Well, she would be happy to hear that. She has a tender heart buried beneath the layers of ice that she's wrapped herself in."

"If you say so. I mean, you've known her longer than I have."

"There is that, Em." He clapped her shoulder as the doors opened on their floor and they stepped out. He could feel eyes watching him, and he glanced up to see Hotch standing on the walkway in front of their offices, glaring at them.

"Who pissed in his Cheerios this morning?" she asked, trying to bring some levity to the situation. Dave just shook his head, not wanting to get into the situation with Emily. It wouldn't be fair to ask her to choose sides, after all.

"I have no idea. Maybe the fact that we're both late has him upset."

"Maybe." Emily didn't sound convinced, though, and he knew that he would end up having to tell her sooner rather than later exactly what was going on. He only hoped that Erin would understand his letting someone else into her private Hell.


End file.
